When I was encouraged to exercise my freedom to handle my healthcare at 16, I was not presented with a choice and came out horrified that I could have allowed anyone to convince me to murder my baby or tell me I had no right to be a mother. I attempted suicide 6 months after because of this crushing regret, which doesn’t look much like healthcare to me and the last thing on earth I have felt since this abortion, 2 decades ago now, is freedom. No one warns you about this horror, the crushing regret, how it lasts a lifetime, or how it eats you alive inside and the voices that could are nowhere to be found in the conversation, including, if not especially in, academia, and even art.
Personal:
While artistically speaking the truth about my experience with abortion and the crushing regret I have had to live with, I would like to challenge the ideological blinders of some feminist ideals exposing how they have been at the forefront of gaslighting me, pushing me into feelings of unworthiness in motherhood OR even having a right to speak the truth of my regret, thereby hiding women from all the consequences they could face with the glorified freedom, healthcare, choice procedure. Making women feel unworthy for not feeling liberated or leaving them misinformed about the crushing regret they could face is neither pro-woman nor pro-choice. I believe this gaslighting and lack of empathetic space on the behalf of believers in abortion is the reason we hear so few women like me. They are afraid to speak, not just for the stoning that comes from the religious, hatefully judgmental, shaming so called pro-life side of society, but because of the denial of slaughter, silencing degradation, and gaslighting that comes from the so called pro-choice feminist side of society, with their shut up, you’re going to make abortion look bad attitude.
Public:
Once my personal goals have been reached, having set an artistically diverse example, I would like to continue my education with a Masters in Art, Music, & Narrative Therapy so I can start THIS nonprofit for other women to express the pain, crushing regret or remorse, and loss from abortion through art, music, and narrative expressions, so other silenced women like me can do the same to heal both their unborn souls as well as their own, letting the world know the truth behind this glorified yet horrifying procedure. Because we can never come to a world of humanity or peace when we so carelessly dehumanize and throw away our own children, then silence the women who have suffered this. I am going to dismantle this procedure and the ideologies that support it with no need to touch legality, just the sharing of truth.
So far, I am still on the personal healing part of this journey and have collected several works of art: visual, poetic, and creative writing, to share my personal story and pain while completing an A.F.A in visual art. These can be found at idoLucidStreams.com The next step is an album & memoir as I complete my B.F.A. degree in Music & Creative writing which is in progress now. I am still finding my voice, but I get a little louder every day. And I am starting a blog to share and support any women doing the same in the interim. Join the battle at my Patreon
Healing the Unborn Soul: Boldly Unveiling the untold stories of abortion's aftermath, dismantling taboos & misinformed perceptions, while fostering healing through courageous expression.
We create an artistic space for women to heal from the aftermath, pain, or regret of an abortion and a path to be heard publicly if they choose. The main clients will be women who have had abortions and struggle to process the emotions surrounding it. We would eventually like to create a branch that serves men who have felt robbed of fatherhood when a woman has chosen an abortion without shaming those women’s choices. The women will come first.
What gives us a competitive edge is our willingness to hear the other side of the abortion issue, those women who have regretted their decision, and continue to feel pain around this decision – the conversation that isn’t really being discussed on either side of the political spectrum. Additionally, Healing the Unborn Soul provides the ability to allow the opportunity to create artistic evidence of healing (both via music, visual art, and creative writing/narrative expressions), giving women an artistic reminder of their emotional progress. We will also create a publication and art shows to allow a space for women to be and feel publicly heard.
As a woman who has struggled with the shaming and dismissal that comes when trying to express my horror, pain, and regret of my abortion at 16 years old, I knows the gaslighting, shaming, and struggle of trying to find a space of acceptance to heal. As I continue in my own artistic healing journey I am building this space for other women to heal as well, using myself as an example to lead with.
Vision
To be the leader in giving women a voice and a space to express the trauma of abortion.
Mission
Our purpose is to develop a space for artistic and therapeutic healing that also provides a place to share and express those healing feelings with the world through publications and art shows (both in music, visual arts, and creative/narrative writing).
· To create…a safe space for women to heal the pain of abortion.
· To mediate…the backlash against women who speak out.
· To educate…women about all consequences of abortion and all options available to lessen the number of women who regret the procedure.
· To bring awareness…to how many women are coerced into abortion.
· To encourage…women to heal instead of suppressing their emotions about the procedure.
· To advance…the art and voice of women with actual experience instead of the conversation being dominated by those with just political opinions.
· To advise…the uninformed about the diversity of experience with abortion.
· To promote…women to feel it is OK to heal.
· To educate…on safe sex, understanding the body, and avoiding unwanted pregnancy.
· To increase…awareness that politicizing the issue is harming people.
· To develop…a therapeutic model specific to women who have had abortions.
· To inspire…others who have suffered to come forward and or heal.
· To bring…peace to inner pain.
Values
Safety – A place where it is ok to feel regardless of if those emotions fit with a political agenda or not.
Open Expression – offering a safe space for people to voice their opinions, thoughts, ideas, and challenges of abortion without fear of social exile.
Inclusion – inviting people of different backgrounds to join the conversation and participate, without judgment.
Productive Healing- guiding people through the path of processing pain in a way that creates an artistic piece that leaves them feeling they have something to show for their time in therapy.
Creativity – The ability for people to express themselves through art, music, and other forms of creativity. Embracing new and innovative ways to grow and heal.
We are committed to creating a safe space for women who have had abortions to artistically express openly the truth of their experience no matter the background, reason for, or feelings after. We make an additional effort to include and focus mainly on those who were coerced into and or regret their abortions because we recognize they will likely be burdened with the heaviest pain. Our aim is to provide everyone with an opportunity to create an artistic piece, audible, visual, written or all of the above, to have as proof, reminder, or honoring memory of processing these feelings.
· Use personal art to reach new audiences and set example
· Increase awareness through collaborating with other nonprofit organizations and local companies.
· Establish a strong social media presence.
· Completing business plan.
· Establishing legal structure, website, and accounts.
· Gathering financial donations and hiring the first wave of art therapists.
· Creating unique therapeutic model (a combination of the Trauma-Informed therapeutic model, Gestalt therapy, possibly EMDR, and music, writing, visual art, and narrative therapy).
· Publishing first collective publications and albums.
· Figure out proper structure for business and open.
· Funding initial opening, and first year’s services/publications.
· Reaching and aid 100 women first year, 500 second year, 1k third year
· Develop strategic alliances with therapeutic providers internationally, and nationally.
With a severely polarized political system actual women who have actual feelings about their actual experience with the actual procedure of abortion get tramped under ideologies on both sides and are never given the space to feel unless it fits with a political agenda. And then even if they are given the space because it fits the agenda, they are left feeling dirty that the only ones willing to listen are the one’s who use them for their own gain. There is also a lack of public artistic expression concerning abortion, especially regret, which is bizarre considering 60+ million women in America alone have faced the procedure.
1) There is a lack of open conversation about different experiences of having an abortion and a lot of unanswered questions:
a. None of the information on the aftermath prior to having a sexual relationship
b. None of the information on the aftermath prior to having an abortion itself
c. None of the information during the procedure about it's actually doing (ending the life of your child) or what it does to a woman’s body
d. None of the information after the procedure
i. How it impacts the body
ii. How it impacts the mind
iii. How it impacts the emotional state
iv. How it impacts that social status and opinions of others
v. How it impacts future relationships (will the woman need to keep it a secret to maintain a relationship she is in? – Just like a man might not want a woman because she has a child, some men might not want the woman because she has had an abortion)
e. So many questions left unanswered, where is the research?
vi. How many women have attempted or succeeded suicide after having an abortion
vii. How many have had mental breakdowns after having an abortion
viii. How many women have fallen into drug use after an abortion
ix. How many women went back and got pregnant again by the same guy after having an abortion
2) There is a lack of art expression offered to women so see how other women felt about abortion.
3) Due to recent policy changes in the Roe v. Wade law, states have chosen specific directions regarding policy for abortions, and this is impacting pressure to acquire an abortion either to support it's legality or creating a fear of get it while you can, still without fully informing women of the consequences many have faced.
4) There is a shortage of information available to women about the impact on them, emotionally, physically, and mentally.
5) There are limited resources and services available to help women suffering from post-trauma of having gone through an abortion. Most that are available have a religious affiliation which can deter the use of the resource.
The lack of space for women to be allowed to regret their abortion, not regret their abortion, or feel both at the same time is causing a mass suppression of emotion. What the effects on daily life or quality of life is currently unknown because of a need to avoid research that fails to support a political agenda and succeeds in supporting people not politics.
A lack of space for emotional and artistic expression of experience for 60+ million women who have experienced abortion throughout the history of the United States, and the diversity of experiences with abortion seems to be a huge failure for humanity. How can the truth be known if it has no space to be expressed. We at healing the unborn soul aim to create that space, spread awareness about the lack of it, and gather to provide for the women who need it.
1) Increased education
2) Increased awareness
3) Increased open conversation about abortion in more public forums
4) Opportunities for discussion on all sides, but especially included women who have been there and regret the decision or were not supported to make any other choice
a. Move conversation away from hate and fear, and more toward love and acceptance of choices made by others allowing for regret with out degradation.
5) Move the conversation from a political forum to one that is focused on the feelings, expression, and values of each person individually about the abortion topic.
Our solution to this problem is awareness through art and music expression. Be it private sessions of art and music therapy or public publications and performances, we facilitate the safe space to feel and heal the unborn soul.